Example 1: it is sunny and hot. Everyone is happy and we are having fun. Reward: ice cream!M’s reaction: “my ice cream is melting.”
Us: “OK, lick it quickly. Yummy. See how?”
Reaction: “No! You fix it. Fix it. Fix it. FIX IT. FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXIIIIIIIIIT you f#%!xxxg a---holes!
You get the picture--shrieks, rage, little girl-style punches and kicks directed at closest family member…not good.
We think it is a reaction to her displeasure in being compelled to go to kindergarten since April. But, honestly, we are not sure what has brought this on. We have asked her directly, but she communicates nothing back that pinpoints a specific cause, and the school says she is fine in the classroom. We are trying everything to prevent these fights or fits: rewards, strict orders rather than offering choices; giving control over little things when possible; advanced distraction techniques (and even giving in to the ultimate eye candy -- videos); avoiding boredom; trying to establish structure and routine.
I even created visuals to work on the root issue:EZ Two-Step Parenting Business Strategy™
It’s difficult to manage M’s tempests once they erupt. I use my Toastmasters-honed motivational speaker voice to command her attention.
Eye content: check.
Deliberate body language: check.
Use of visuals: check.
Careful, slow explanation: check.
- “Hey, at the top E. and M. fight, creating unhappy sisters. This equals an unhappy day for everyone.”
- “Yowza, lookit that. E. and M. don’t fight. Peace is good. Happy face and reward. YEA!”
- "So, you have a choice now. What choice will it be?"
Then if that doesn’t work, we separate them.
Similar to those I make in my workplace, I use visuals to cut through the clutter and render understanding. I have repeated this pep talk a few times with the girls—repetition builds awareness, and awareness is at the top of the purchase funnel, even for kids.
But they ain’t buyin’ what I am selling right now. Especially M.
Is this a power struggle?Little kids are constantly looking for ways to have more control, so I’m not surprised that if we let Marina have veto power, she’ll exercise it. We love our little dickens and are just going to wait out this storm as best we can.
Off to Canada soon for a visit. Earnestly hoping the long trip, jet lag, new location, patient grandpa, and the fun that is planned will jar us out of this tough stretch.